i post a butt ton about my friends. but lesbihonest (haha) they are pretty much the most amazing friends anyone could ask for. so, why not blog about them.
last night was so great. the Lord was among us at our service last night. & it is not because of anything special that was planned. as a matter of fact, it was the opposite. this week has been a bit crazy & other things have been occupying my time. i am not trying to make up an excuse for not being prepared for this weekly task, because there is no excuse. i just didn't do it. of course last minute i am trying to throw some songs together for worship & here i am thinking that if i don't pick the most perfect songs for tonight, then no one will get anything out of it. so we (we being myself and zach, the guy who leads worship with me) try to throw some songs together. we finally come to three songs. we print the chords & the lyrics & off to the church we go to practice. then we get there & one of the songs wasn't going to work so we had to throw it out & pick a new song. but we weren't going to have lyrics for it because we had no way of getting the lyrics. (hang in there with me, this gets better.) so, last minute we are scrambling to come up with another song. we pick a fast (& pretty old school & cheesy) song. we get through the first song & then boom! slow song. haha. it might have been a little awkward at the start. but when we started to sing those words. everyone slowed down. everyone seemed to get into it. & even though we were still practicing with two minutes left before church started, it was actually coming together. of course, we know that it is not because of anything that we did. heck, we weren't even in the right mind set when we started the service.
but anyways. we keep singing this song. the song is basically saying that we want to be better. we want the Lord to give us a clean heart & we are telling the Lord that we are turning from our sin & running to Him. pretty powerful stuff. it may seem like pretty basic Bible, but sense when did things need to be complicated? so, we are all singing, zach prays, we sing, zach prays. then out of no where (not really, but seemingly out of no where) came our worship pastor & boom! we have the piano. & we end up having the epic night of worship & you could just feel the presence of the Lord wrapped around you like a big blanket. (i think it would have been a lot like elizabeth's heated blanket!) we sang some more songs, we held hands, we cried, we prayed, & people shared what was on their hearts.
but something that stuck with me the most was this. "it doesn't matter what frame of mind that we come to church in, God is going to use us." (this is a bit paraphrased, but you get the picture.) you see, i might not have been prepared for church last night, but the Lord was. the Lord showed up without every note being just right or everything being super smooth. the Lord doesn't need me to have church. the Lord doesn't need for me to be perfect. (amen!) the Lord just needs me to be willing (even when i don't feel like it), to have an open heart & to allow Him to guide me.
you see, worship isn't a feeling, it's a lifestyle. & everyday we have a choice to make. we have a choice to worship when the sun is shining down on us or when the road is marked with suffering. the Lord tells us that things aren't going to be easy. but the Lord promises us that if we choose Him, He will guide & lead us & carry us through.
today is new day. what will you choose?
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
two wise guys..
i know that all my blogs are serious. & to be honest, this one will be no different. in fact i will cry typing it...haha
this blog is more of a shout out to two very special people to me. they are both men that i look up to & trust & feel that the Lord has placed in my life for a very specific purpose. they both let me talk about life experience & let me be completely me. they let me laugh & cry. they teach & guide me. they are true inspirations.
ever since the passing of my dad, there has been what i would call a "lack of male guidance." there have been times where i would want to pick up the phone & call my dad to tell him something exciting but i can't. there are lots of things that cross my mind that won't happen with my dad that the majority of my friends aren't going to understand, not that i would ever want them to. (i do want to say that my friends do a fantastic job of listening to me rant though!)
& i have been praying. it is not easy to let someone in & perhaps "fill the void." but, i have been praying that God would place a male figure in my life that i could look up to & trust & go to when i need some "fatherly" advice.
& boy has God come through. God didn't just give me one, God gave me two. one who understands where i am coming from because he has been through the same thing. & i want these two people to know that i love them very much & i appreciate them both more than they will ever know. i get teary eyed (i know, shocker) just typing this.
these two men have become that "father" figure to me. & i love them.
jason mcwilliams & tim crutcher, you are deeply loved. know that i am grateful for each of you & that God is using you, even when you don't know it!
this blog is more of a shout out to two very special people to me. they are both men that i look up to & trust & feel that the Lord has placed in my life for a very specific purpose. they both let me talk about life experience & let me be completely me. they let me laugh & cry. they teach & guide me. they are true inspirations.
ever since the passing of my dad, there has been what i would call a "lack of male guidance." there have been times where i would want to pick up the phone & call my dad to tell him something exciting but i can't. there are lots of things that cross my mind that won't happen with my dad that the majority of my friends aren't going to understand, not that i would ever want them to. (i do want to say that my friends do a fantastic job of listening to me rant though!)
& i have been praying. it is not easy to let someone in & perhaps "fill the void." but, i have been praying that God would place a male figure in my life that i could look up to & trust & go to when i need some "fatherly" advice.
& boy has God come through. God didn't just give me one, God gave me two. one who understands where i am coming from because he has been through the same thing. & i want these two people to know that i love them very much & i appreciate them both more than they will ever know. i get teary eyed (i know, shocker) just typing this.
these two men have become that "father" figure to me. & i love them.
jason mcwilliams & tim crutcher, you are deeply loved. know that i am grateful for each of you & that God is using you, even when you don't know it!
Monday, February 18, 2013
'tis the sweet life..
sleeping in.
weekends that are productive yet relaxing.
hearing THE best news & *almost* crying. (almost is very key, people)
singing les mis songs before church starts.
my adopted family <3.
practically perfect weather.
laughing til we don't remember why we are laughing.
getting your bangs trimmed.
talking to my mother on the phone.
falling asleep watching roman holiday with audrey hepburn & thinking, "i'm going there!"
great emails that inform you that class is canceled today & next week.
looking forward to celebrating a friend's engagement.
oh yes, all of this with the world's best group of friends. boom. 'tis the sweet life...
weekends that are productive yet relaxing.
hearing THE best news & *almost* crying. (almost is very key, people)
singing les mis songs before church starts.
my adopted family <3.
practically perfect weather.
laughing til we don't remember why we are laughing.
getting your bangs trimmed.
talking to my mother on the phone.
falling asleep watching roman holiday with audrey hepburn & thinking, "i'm going there!"
great emails that inform you that class is canceled today & next week.
looking forward to celebrating a friend's engagement.
oh yes, all of this with the world's best group of friends. boom. 'tis the sweet life...
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
love is a many-splendored thing
if you know anything about me, you know that i stress. a lot. i stress about things that won't ever effect me...ever. & even though stressing out might not be how everyone else deals with their life problems (or other people's life problems), it's how i deal with "it" (whatever the "it" might be for the time).
i have come to the realization that i stress out about other people's problems more than my own. i've also come to the realization that it might be in avoidance of my own life stressers. if i focus on other people, my problems don't seem as big. if i can fix other people then i will find this sense of self-worth (i know, it sounds crazy. tell me something i don't know). this week i have asked my self why? why is a big question. but why? why do i allow myself to stress out about other people & the things that they are going through? why do i care about the choices they make & the choices that are made by others that will effect them? why do i care about what they do, why they do it, & how can i help & be involved in their lives? how can i "fix" them?
yes. i know. i can't fix people. but i can help people. but why do i have this intense passion to help people?
then. it hit me like a ton of bricks. (well, not really but i like to use that statement. it more or less happened over a period of time) but, it's because i love deeply. i love all my friends with such an intense passion. & i fall fast. the people that i stress out about the most are the people that i love. i take my relationships more than serious. the people that i spend the majority of my time with are the people that i spend the majority of my time thinking about. i want to be with them all the time. i want them to do well in school. i want them to be the best that they can be. i want them to love me. i want them to love life. i want them to love Jesus. i want them to not have to worry about tomorrow. i want them to not worry about the stresses of their home life or money. & if they can't do those things, i want to "fix" it. & when i can't, i worry about them. because i am concerned for them. because i care about their well being. because i love them with every ounce of my being. & when they laugh, i laugh. when they rejoice, i rejoice. when they struggle, i struggle. when they hurt, i hurt. when they cry, i cry (& sometimes i cry even when they don't).
i understand that i can't use this as an excuse & i also know that there are times when my stressing out is at its maximum level & it is too much. & i know that stressing out can cause serious problems (been there done that). but i hope that those that i love the most & those that truly know me understand that when i stress, it's because i love.
& when i love, i don't hold back.
"there is nothing i would not do for those who are really my friends. i have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature." - jane austen, northanger abbey
i have come to the realization that i stress out about other people's problems more than my own. i've also come to the realization that it might be in avoidance of my own life stressers. if i focus on other people, my problems don't seem as big. if i can fix other people then i will find this sense of self-worth (i know, it sounds crazy. tell me something i don't know). this week i have asked my self why? why is a big question. but why? why do i allow myself to stress out about other people & the things that they are going through? why do i care about the choices they make & the choices that are made by others that will effect them? why do i care about what they do, why they do it, & how can i help & be involved in their lives? how can i "fix" them?
yes. i know. i can't fix people. but i can help people. but why do i have this intense passion to help people?
then. it hit me like a ton of bricks. (well, not really but i like to use that statement. it more or less happened over a period of time) but, it's because i love deeply. i love all my friends with such an intense passion. & i fall fast. the people that i stress out about the most are the people that i love. i take my relationships more than serious. the people that i spend the majority of my time with are the people that i spend the majority of my time thinking about. i want to be with them all the time. i want them to do well in school. i want them to be the best that they can be. i want them to love me. i want them to love life. i want them to love Jesus. i want them to not have to worry about tomorrow. i want them to not worry about the stresses of their home life or money. & if they can't do those things, i want to "fix" it. & when i can't, i worry about them. because i am concerned for them. because i care about their well being. because i love them with every ounce of my being. & when they laugh, i laugh. when they rejoice, i rejoice. when they struggle, i struggle. when they hurt, i hurt. when they cry, i cry (& sometimes i cry even when they don't).
i understand that i can't use this as an excuse & i also know that there are times when my stressing out is at its maximum level & it is too much. & i know that stressing out can cause serious problems (been there done that). but i hope that those that i love the most & those that truly know me understand that when i stress, it's because i love.
& when i love, i don't hold back.
"there is nothing i would not do for those who are really my friends. i have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature." - jane austen, northanger abbey
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
when words aren't enough
there is that saying, "actions speak louder than words." let's just say, i hope it's true. things happen in life that we can't explain & that we can't even begin to understand. & things happen to those that we care about & love & sometimes there is nothing to say. sometimes we just have to listen. sometimes we just have to sit there. & that is rough. it's rough to watch people struggle. i just want to give them a big hug & say, "it's all going to be just fine" or "everything will be okay." i don't believe in "just fine," people. i don't. when you say it's going to be just fine, you are making a promise, one that you really don't have any right making. it's an empty promise. you are taking a 50/50 guess at it. not a chance i am willing to take. i am willing to walk along side & be a comfort. i am willing to sit through the pain, but i refuse to make empty promises. i promise that they will get through. i promise that no matter what happens, God is in control. no matter how you feel, God can handle it. you think God can't handle your anger? guess again people.
i'm not real sure where i wanted this blog to go. & honestly i don't feel like it went anywhere. i just needed a late night vent & i am sure my friends are sick of hearing it. but just know that in the hard times, we have a God that we can turn to & trust. even when you don't feel like it, God is there. it's a step-by-step process & a daily choice that we have to make.
ever feel overwhelmed by life? yeah...you aren't the only one.
i'm not real sure where i wanted this blog to go. & honestly i don't feel like it went anywhere. i just needed a late night vent & i am sure my friends are sick of hearing it. but just know that in the hard times, we have a God that we can turn to & trust. even when you don't feel like it, God is there. it's a step-by-step process & a daily choice that we have to make.
ever feel overwhelmed by life? yeah...you aren't the only one.
Friday, January 25, 2013
laughter is the best medicine :)
this will be short.. i think. today started off horribly...shocker, shocker. did you read yesterday's blog? anyhow. school is over; work is over. now i am sitting in my room with my roommate, jenna & my suitemates, ronna & elizabeth.
let me just say: i love my friends.
for the past thirty minutes we have been laughing to the point of not breathing anymore. we have been acting like crazies, but ya know what? after a long week of blah & grossness, laughing til we almost pee our pants is definitely the way to end the week.
(currently ronna & elizabeth are acting out parts of the movie heidi with shirley temple...almost crying because it is so heartbreaking)
anyhow, we are having a fun night in just the four of us. & it is a reminder to me. just because i am having a rough day, week, or month, it doesn't mean that my joy is gone. my friends remind me that really i am joyful, it just sometimes gets covered up by the "ickies" of life. i am not going to say that life is automatically all better, but i am starting to see that glimmer of hope.
i love friday nights in with my cup of joe & the world's best friends
let me just say: i love my friends.
for the past thirty minutes we have been laughing to the point of not breathing anymore. we have been acting like crazies, but ya know what? after a long week of blah & grossness, laughing til we almost pee our pants is definitely the way to end the week.
(currently ronna & elizabeth are acting out parts of the movie heidi with shirley temple...almost crying because it is so heartbreaking)
anyhow, we are having a fun night in just the four of us. & it is a reminder to me. just because i am having a rough day, week, or month, it doesn't mean that my joy is gone. my friends remind me that really i am joyful, it just sometimes gets covered up by the "ickies" of life. i am not going to say that life is automatically all better, but i am starting to see that glimmer of hope.
i love friday nights in with my cup of joe & the world's best friends
Thursday, January 24, 2013
when it rains it pours...
do you ever feel like life is just going on & nothing bad is really happening & you are kind of in a happy-go-lucky mode? yeah. that was my life just last week. then, saturday comes & BOOM! bad stuff happens all at once! i have struggled with life & why God would allow for certain things to happen to people that we care about so much. this struggle isn't new to me. when i lost my dad 3 1/2 years ago, i asked God why multiple times on any given day. of course, knowing why would never be good enough, but because i am a human, i feel like i have to answers for everything, like i am entitled to them. tough love, people. we aren't entitled to anything. but still, even knowing that i am not entitled to any answers, this week, i am struggling with why.
i can't go into intimate detail of all that this week entails. but i have gotten two bad phone calls & a double ear infection. why couldn't these things be spread out? why do i have to get sick two weeks into school getting back into full swing? why do people have to get sick? why does my grandpa have to be in the hospital? why can't they figure out what the heck happened to him? why do bad things happen to me, just when i feel like my life is finally turning around? why, why, why? (in the back of my brain, all i can hear is my grandma saying, "the Lord rains on the just and unjust, shelby ann, & that includes you")
this week my mind is being pulled in 101 different directions, i am not even sure that this blog post makes sense. but i am a problem solver. i like to help people & make other people feel better. it's what i want to do with my life. if i could take on everyone's burden i would, just so they could be better & wouldn't have to go through the struggle. (i know that is a little unhealthy) but this week, i feel a little hopeless. i feel like whatever i do or say, it isn't going to help or make a difference. i know that is just the enemy trying to take root & steal my newfound joy, but i still feel this way, i still feel crushed.
i have picked up my bible to find verses to help me this week & the Lord always has a way of showing up. God has a way of showing me exactly what i need, even when i didn't realize that i needed it. but God also shows up in the form of my friends. the people that God has placed in my life were planned out so carefully for me, because God knew what i would need. i am so thankful for a group of friends who can talk about God & life & let me cry like a big baby all the time. i am thankful for a group who is led my some of the most godly, loving people that i know. i am thankful for a group who is sensitive to God & where God is leading & growing each of us. i am thankful for a group that lets me ask all those whys & is by my side through those times of struggle.
even those this week has been a tough one, i know that God is right here in the midst of it with me. & when i look back & see that one set of footprints, i know that God carried me through & that i am wrapped in His arms. God has the answers to all my questions & i will cling to Him.
Psalm 34:18 - "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
i can't go into intimate detail of all that this week entails. but i have gotten two bad phone calls & a double ear infection. why couldn't these things be spread out? why do i have to get sick two weeks into school getting back into full swing? why do people have to get sick? why does my grandpa have to be in the hospital? why can't they figure out what the heck happened to him? why do bad things happen to me, just when i feel like my life is finally turning around? why, why, why? (in the back of my brain, all i can hear is my grandma saying, "the Lord rains on the just and unjust, shelby ann, & that includes you")
this week my mind is being pulled in 101 different directions, i am not even sure that this blog post makes sense. but i am a problem solver. i like to help people & make other people feel better. it's what i want to do with my life. if i could take on everyone's burden i would, just so they could be better & wouldn't have to go through the struggle. (i know that is a little unhealthy) but this week, i feel a little hopeless. i feel like whatever i do or say, it isn't going to help or make a difference. i know that is just the enemy trying to take root & steal my newfound joy, but i still feel this way, i still feel crushed.
i have picked up my bible to find verses to help me this week & the Lord always has a way of showing up. God has a way of showing me exactly what i need, even when i didn't realize that i needed it. but God also shows up in the form of my friends. the people that God has placed in my life were planned out so carefully for me, because God knew what i would need. i am so thankful for a group of friends who can talk about God & life & let me cry like a big baby all the time. i am thankful for a group who is led my some of the most godly, loving people that i know. i am thankful for a group who is sensitive to God & where God is leading & growing each of us. i am thankful for a group that lets me ask all those whys & is by my side through those times of struggle.
even those this week has been a tough one, i know that God is right here in the midst of it with me. & when i look back & see that one set of footprints, i know that God carried me through & that i am wrapped in His arms. God has the answers to all my questions & i will cling to Him.
Psalm 34:18 - "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
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