Wednesday, January 30, 2013

when words aren't enough

there is that saying, "actions speak louder than words." let's just say, i hope it's true. things happen in life that we can't explain & that we can't even begin to understand. & things happen to those that we care about & love & sometimes there is nothing to say. sometimes we just have to listen. sometimes we just have to sit there. & that is rough. it's rough to watch people struggle. i just want to give them a big hug & say, "it's all going to be just fine" or "everything will be okay." i don't believe in "just fine," people. i don't. when you say it's going to be just fine, you are making a promise, one that you really don't have any right making. it's an empty promise. you are taking a 50/50 guess at it. not a chance i am willing to take. i am willing to walk along side & be a comfort. i am willing to sit through the pain, but i refuse to make empty promises. i promise that they will get through. i promise that no matter what happens, God is in control. no matter how you feel, God can handle it. you think God can't handle your anger? guess again people.

i'm not real sure where i wanted this blog to go. & honestly i don't feel like it went anywhere. i just needed a late night vent & i am sure my friends are sick of hearing it. but just know that in the hard times, we have a God that we can turn to & trust. even when you don't feel like it, God is there. it's a step-by-step process & a daily choice that we have to make.

ever feel overwhelmed by life? aren't the only one.

Friday, January 25, 2013

laughter is the best medicine :)

this will be short.. i think. today started off horribly...shocker, shocker. did you read yesterday's blog? anyhow. school is over; work is over. now i am sitting in my room with my roommate, jenna & my suitemates, ronna & elizabeth.

let me just say: i love my friends.

for the past thirty minutes we have been laughing to the point of not breathing anymore. we have been acting like crazies, but ya know what? after a long week of blah & grossness, laughing til we almost pee our pants is definitely the way to end the week.

(currently ronna & elizabeth are acting out parts of the movie heidi with shirley temple...almost crying because it is so heartbreaking)

anyhow, we are having a fun night in just the four of us. & it is a reminder to me. just because i am having a rough day, week, or month, it doesn't mean that my joy is gone. my friends remind me that really i am joyful, it just sometimes gets covered up by the "ickies" of life. i am not going to say that life is automatically all better, but i am starting to see that glimmer of hope.

i love friday nights in with my cup of joe & the world's best friends

Thursday, January 24, 2013

when it rains it pours...

do you ever feel like life is just going on & nothing bad is really happening & you are kind of in a happy-go-lucky mode? yeah. that was my life just last week. then, saturday comes & BOOM! bad stuff happens all at once! i have struggled with life & why God would allow for certain things to happen to people that we care about so much. this struggle isn't new to me. when i lost my dad 3 1/2 years ago, i asked God why multiple times on any given day. of course, knowing why would never be good enough, but because i am a human, i feel like i have to answers for everything, like i am entitled to them. tough love, people. we aren't entitled to anything. but still, even knowing that i am not entitled to any answers, this week, i am struggling with why.

i can't go into intimate detail of all that this week entails. but i have gotten two bad phone calls & a double ear infection. why couldn't these things be spread out? why do i have to get sick two weeks into school getting back into full swing? why do people have to get sick? why does my grandpa have to be in the hospital? why can't they figure out what the heck happened to him? why do bad things happen to me, just when i feel like my life is finally turning around? why, why, why? (in the back of my brain, all i can hear is my grandma saying, "the Lord rains on the just and unjust, shelby ann, & that includes you")

this week my mind is being pulled in 101 different directions, i am not even sure that this blog post makes sense. but i am a problem solver. i like to help people & make other people feel better. it's what i want to do with my life. if i could take on everyone's burden i would, just so they could be better & wouldn't have to go through the struggle. (i know that is a little unhealthy) but this week, i feel a little hopeless. i feel like whatever i do or say, it isn't going to help or make a difference. i know that is just the enemy trying to take root & steal my newfound joy, but i still feel this way, i still feel crushed.

i have picked up my bible to find verses to help me this week & the Lord always has a way of showing up. God has a way of showing me exactly what i need, even when i didn't realize that i needed it. but God also shows up in the form of my friends. the people that God has placed in my life were planned out so carefully for me, because God knew what i would need. i am so thankful for a group of friends who can talk about God & life & let me cry like a big baby all the time. i am thankful for a group who is led my some of the most godly, loving people that i know. i am thankful for a group who is sensitive to God & where God is leading & growing each of us. i am thankful for a group that lets me ask all those whys & is by my side through those times of struggle.

even those this week has been a tough one, i know that God is right here in the midst of it with me. & when i look back & see that one set of footprints, i know that God carried me through & that i am wrapped in His arms. God has the answers to all my questions & i will cling to Him.

Psalm 34:18 - "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."